Kelly Laura

So I contacted mid Michigan Community College again. And after talking to them they never emailed me back. I can’t believe them. I really would not recommend that anyone ever attend that school. They’re quite possibly the worst school in Michigan. They don’t get back to you. They don’t mail, or email you any details, and they take forever to get anything done. I seriously cannot believe all of the problems that i have had with them. I sent in transcripts and it literally took 3 months for them even to look at them. Unbelievable! And they didn’t do anything until I started bothering them about it. HATE THIS SCHOOL!!!! I am going back to the University of Nebraska at Kearney instead. That school is pretty great. They always are willing to help you out.

So, I think that one of my next steps will be to become a certified personal trainer. I just think that would be a cool job, but I need to get into really good shape first. I know that the actually test will be pretty easy, but it is just the cost that is going to make me really have to wait awhile. It is going to be difficult to get the money and stuff done. I am working on getting this job in Marquette right now. We will see if I get it. I am not sure if I will or not, but I am going to try. The pay is good, but I will have to live in Marquette for at least a year. Burr…..it’s cold there. Not sure that I really want to go there, but I need to make some money so that I can work on my next adventure. I also sent in my TV proposal last night. Nervous about it. I really just need that validation from a professional, saying that my work is good enough. If I could get that then I will be able to keep working on things. I have too much to do, it’s starting to make me tired.

I just want to say that Mid Michigan Community College sucks! You do not know how much trouble I have had with the people at this school. All I wanted to do was take a few classes. They really have made what should be a somewhat simple thing into a monumental task. No help, no communication, or when they finally do communicate you get attitude. I email and never get responses. They are the absolute worst. If you have a choice, go somewhere else.

Sometimes, I hurt so bad because I get treated like such crap by the people that are supposed to care about me. I can’t take it anymore. I had to move back in with my mom and she is the worst. She constantly yells and talks down to me, but if I tell her that I am upset about it she blows me off. She makes everything about her and then when I call her on it, she tells me to shut up. I hate my life and have had a lot of bad thoughts later because of it. I am seriously very close to the edge right now. I am looking for new jobs so that I can move out. I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what my life is about anymore, everything is so negative now.

I honestly just wish that I had people in my life that gave a damn about me. Everyone wants something from me. I give them what they want and then I get treated like dirt. I honestly don’t know why I keep helping people that have me last on their lost of priorities. People really suck.

I sent in my 15 pages this morning. Nervous, but I hope that I make it. It would really help me out a lot. If I don’t though, its OK. I will finish the screenplay on my own. Am really hoping to get that expert help though. All that I have learned about screenwriting comes from reading books and screenplays of other writers. I could really use that person that will tell if what I am doing is actually any good. Well, we will know in a few weeks anyway. Now to work on other stuff. Busy.

Finally finished my first 15 pages for the screenwriting contest. I think it turned out pretty well and tomorrow I am going to email it. Just have to check for spelling and stuff, then it will be ready. Not sure if it is a winner or not but you never know. I read some of the past finalists scripts and I hate to say it but they were nothing really special. I think mine is more entertaining, but not sure if it will be a finalist. May be too commercial. Screenwriting contests tends to learn toward independent-style scripts. Only have to wait a few weeks to find out if I am a finalist though. We’ll see but I have a really good feeling about it. I am also entering the TV pilot contest. I have a great idea for an hour long pilot. Almost have it done and ready to turn in. Then I have a great idea for a comedy pilot. I will probably work on the comedy pilot first. Should be fun.

I am seriously done. I hate everyone right now. I have been through so much lately without 1 person being there for ME. Everyone wants something from me, but they never want to do anything for ME. I really need to get out on my own and just be by myself for awhile. I can’t take it anymore. No one is ever around when I need them, but they are always calling, or texting, me and wanting me to get stuff done right away for them. It’s disgusting to have so many people in your life that suck so much. I haven’t had a good day in a while. I really need to get some money so I can get the hell out of here…

So, today I decided that I am moving out of this house before Fall. Not sure where I am moving yet, but I am definitely not sticking around. I just cannot handle it here. I am going to spend a lot of time this summer away from this house. Moving back join with my Mom was a huge mistake, but I really don’t want to leave my dog. She has to stay here because she is so old and has a hard time getting around. I am thinking about moving to mount pleasant in order to stay close to my dog but still being away from here. May do that for a year or so and then see what I want to do. Ugh!

Even though I have been one of those people that believe that every one is perfect just the way they are, I have to propose the question, what if you are not happy the way you are? Do you change yourself? I have made the decision that I need to make a lot of changes. I want to do certain things and I have to make changes in order to accomplish my goals. It is not going to be easy, but I know that I can do it. More importantly, I need to make those changes, so I will. I can’t take anymore time because my window of opportunity is quickly closing.

I need to lose weight
I need to get a job before Fall
I need to get a new car
I want to start my own business
I want to sell a screenplay
I want to travel

Losing weight is step one for a reason. It will make then other goals easier to accomplish. I am going to start eating better and working out more. I really think I can do it if I try my hardest. I am also working on entries into some screenwriting contests the next few weeks. I hope I win…

I have to say that, right now, I am so sick of everyone. I hate all people and even my family. I wish that I could say that everyone is awesome and supportive, but guess what, they aren’t, and they suck ass sometimes. I really just want to get out of here and this town. As soon as I can, I am moving to either Las Vegas or Los Angeles. I am just not sure how long I can handle it here.

I am sitting here watching the Oscars telecast and working on my screenplay for the Nicholl Fellowship. I dream of one day being mentioned in the same breath as those that are nominated this year for screenwriting. Winning that fellowship would mean everything to me, but if it doesn’t happen, I will survive. It would just make things a little easier. At least initially. Really hope my script at least makes it to the quarterfinals though. That would be awesome.

It’s kind of stupid. I wrote it when I was in High School and it was published. I can’t remember where though. 

Long Rant

by Kelly Laura

Girl meets boy 
Boy snubs girl 
Isn’t that the way it is for us in the real world? 
You always fall for the one you can’t have or something like that 
That’s what they tell us less fortunate 
Less fortunate because we’re not little Miss perfect 
So what, I wasn’t voted most popular maybe I wanna be myself 
Is that ok with society? 
Who cares, who dares shy away from the norm 
Normal is boring 
I wanna jump off track and never look back 
It’s really hard to be a girl these days. 

I am working on so much stuff right now it is crazy. Never been so busy before. Working on my screenplay and graphic design work while I’m also doing school work. I set a deadline for myself. I am forcing myself to finish my screenplay by the end of August. So, I have about 6 and a half months to finish it. I hope I can do it in that amount of time. We’ll have to wait and see. It’s taking a long time to finish it and I think that its because it is my first real screenplay. I have never written a full script before so it is kind of different. I keep writing down ideas for my next project but I haven’t finish this one yet. I have to finish this one and then get some people to read it, make edits, and then I am going to start sending out query letters. I think that it is pretty amazing so far, but I wrote it so I am a little bias. I am going to send it to some literary agents and producers before the end of the year and by that time I will be working on my next screenplay. still have to finish this semester then I have a lot of time this summer to work on stuff, but I start at a different school in the Fall to work on a visual arts degree. I may also see about some photography jobs this summer. I am exhausted all ready going to have to start taking some vitamins, lol.

Sometimes I really think I can see things finally coming together but then they don’t and then I get discouraged and quit. I know that I can’t do that this time. The time for playing games has to be over. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to make it work, I have to keep at it until it finally works. It is hard for me to just not have things work right away. I just have a hard time not succeeding. I want to achieve my dreams and I know it is going to take a long time to get there too. I just need to start making some money. Do I stay in Michigan a little longer and get a job here temporarily or do i leave? My dog is so old and if I leave I can’t really take her with me, and I would hate to not be here for her if she needs me. But if I wait then I might not be able to get a job right away around here. I am not sure what to do. I am so confused.

I need a real plan. Hopefully things will go better with my coaching and I won’t need to get a job. I hope so. I hate the idea of getting a job at a school or something. Oh well. If i have to, then I have to.

I have decided that I am going to be the bigger person and no longer complain about stuff. I could say a lot of things about the way that some people act and how they treat other people, but I am over all of that. I am a new person for this new year. I am just going to love everyone and everything. I believe that if I have a more positive attitude then I will be able to manifest what I want and need in my life. I think that if we all had a more positive outlook then the world would indeed be a better place. I want a lot more out of my life than I have right now and the only way to get what I want is to work hard and have a positive attitude. If I do that then I can’t lose.

So tomorrow starts a new year, and I am so ready for 2012 to be over. 2012 was definitely an interesting year for me, but I am done complaining about it. I have decided that my new mantra is going to be “Don’t Be Scared!” I feel that I have put off doing so much in my life because I was just scared. I guess that I actually should say that I talked myself out of doing things because I was scared. I am no longer going to do that. I am going to do what I want, when I want to do it, and not care about what people are going to say about it. I made so many changes in my life last year, but I have a lot more work to do still. I can’t, and won’t, stop now. There is so much that I have to do this coming year. I have a long list of things that I need to get done by the end of 2013. That may sound funny, but it is what I need to do to stay on track. I think that this year I am going to give myself little incentives to actually complete each and every goal. I am going to be so busy and may not be able to write much in 2013. I will try to though if I can. 

I have decided that this weekend is the weekend to get myself organized. I am going through all my stuff and packing away the old stuff I want but do not use, trashing all the junk, and getting together stuff I want to sell. I have already decided that 2013 is going to be my best year ever, so I have to prepare for that good stuff. Cleaning out the clutter in my house will also help clear the clutter out of my head. I will be able to focus better and will be better prepared for my classes and starting my own business next year. Wish me luck!

Well, Christmas eve and day are supposed to be about peace and love, but as usual, I am surrounded by anger and hurt. I literally can not have a day where I can just laugh and smile all day. It is really bringing me down. I don’t think that I am going to be able to keep it up much longer here. I have to get out of here as soon as possible. I am totally done with all of this crap. Why people have to argue with me when they are completely and totally wrong. Then they get mad at me when they are proven to be wrong. It is to the point where my mom will just say the opposite of everything I say no matter what. I am so over all of this crap. I think that the best thing to do, is to just stay the hell away from her for the rest of the year. She is totally outrageous.

So I think I got the graphic design internship. I sent them the new logo that they wanted and they pretty much emailed me back immediately and said that they loved it. They even wanted my opinions on a lot of aspects of graphic design for their website. I am really excited about getting to work on some new designs for them next semester. I will get more stuff to add to my portfolio and resume too. I am hoping that this is the next step in getting my dream job. Yay!

So, I finally heard back about the graphic design internship and they gave me a task. I am going to work on it tomorrow or tonight sometime if i get a chance. It was really just revamping a simple logo. I don’t think it will be a bug deal since the original logo is really not that great. Pretty much anything would be an improvement. Excited to get some more experience to put on my resume. I am also going to apply for a photography internship at the Michigan Historical Museum for the summer. Getting that internship would also be really amazing. It would get me a huge leg-up on my career. The main goal is to get out of Michigan and get to California. Hopefully I can get a job working in the entertainment industry, either as a graphic designer or photographer. I know it is going to be difficult but I don’t think that I can be happy doing something else. It may take some time to get where i want to be but I will get there eventually.

So i started my new cleanse on Tuesday instead of Monday. It has been alright so far. I am making my goal to lose at least 9 lbs in the 15 days. I don’t know if it will happen or not but it is always good to have goals. I will let everyone know how much I lose during the cleanse on December 19.

I am starting a cleanse on Monday. I am hoping this will kick off my weight loss plan and also give me some new perspective on my life. I think that it will be like getting rid of everything that is bad in my body and my life. It will last for 15 days and I hoping to lose between 5 to 10 lbs. Although 15 lbs would be even better. It would give me a lot of confidence. I could really use some of that right now.

I am so angry right now. So tired if being treated like crap around here. I can’t even say anything, all I here is “you know what you can do.” Referring to me moving out. I really hate her sometimes. She treats me like total crap and I can’t even leave the house without telling her where i am going. I don’t know what I am going to do anymore. I am at my breaking point. I may have a nervous breakdown. I just can’t take the constant emotional abuse.

I am so far over it you wouldn’t believe. I seriously am so sick of my life. I am doing a lot to fix it but it is hard to see the light at the end of this crappy tunnel. I have worked too hard for too long for people just to treat me like dirt or that I don’t matter. They yell at me and call me names and then can’t figure out why my emotional growth is stunted. I can’t have a normal relationship because i am an emotional wreck. I for a long time I didn’t know why but now I do. I am being held back and held in a certain role for the good of others, but it is going to be my time soon. My time to live my life for myself. I have had so much anger lately but have held it in for too long. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings but no one seems to care about my feelings. A person can only take so much before they totally break. I think my break will come soon and it will mean that I will have to get out of this house and town because I will say something that will piss someone off so much that they will kick me out. This person tells me everyday that they want me to leave, that I am a bitch and that I am stupid. So now you see what I am dealing with here. I am basically being emotionally abused and then they act like nothing has happened 5 minutes later. I think that I am losing my mind here sometimes.

I really am. I have always done my best to be nice and helpful, but it seems that people just take me for granted or just don’t care. So you know what? I am DONE!!! I am done being treated like a second class citizen. Done being treated like a doormat. Done being called a bitch when I never said or did anything remotely bitchy. I am to the point where I am ready to say “Fuck off” to everyone. Changes are being made and I am longer putting up with it. I am ready for a new life and I am going to take it. Screw everyone that doesn’t have faith in me and don’t support me. I am over your crap and I am moving on…

I am working on many things right now and have very little time to accomplish them in. I am working on getting an internship for the summer or for a full-time position. This has been an incredibly busy time for me and I am constantly being distracted by people needing my help. I have no time to myself anymore. I am working on so many things an have actually finished many of the things that I needed to finish, but In still have a few more to go. It is about re-inventing myself. I have been systematically going down my list and I am nearing the bottom. I need to do the last one for myself. It is going to take a really long time but it will be worth it. I hope that 1 year from now, I will be writing a new blog post titled “I did it!: The story of my transformation into the person I always wanted to be.”

So every time I try to start a project, I either get a phone call or someone stops by and needs my help with something. Free help of course. They all need me to either fix something or do something else for them. I am so far behind on all of my work yet I am sitting in a coffee shop working on other people’s stuff right instead of working on things I really need to get done. This sucks. I need to get out of here but they won’t let me leave. Ugh. I am so far behind in all my work and have 5 weeks of work that I need to get done in like 1 and a half weeks time. Not sure what to do right now. I think I need to go on vacation just to get away and work in peace.

This weekend but I am really not feeling well. I hope that I feel better tomorrow so that I can actually get some stuff done that I have been putting off. I have a ton of homework and a test to do tomorrow. Hope I am up to it in the morning.

I think i am finally ready to move forward with my plans. I have a really long plan that contains a number of goals that I have been working on for some time now. I have completed many of them but still have many more to go. I am still plugging along and plan to keep going until I complete them all. I am thinking about taking one wall in my house, just framing all my degrees and certificates, and hanging them up there. I think I could almost fill the whole wall now. I am working on my second master’s degree, personal fitness chef certification, and a certificate in graphics and animation. I just got my certification for becoming a wellness coach too. I am thinking of starting my own wellness coaching business soon. I am trying to get some more graphic design work to add to my new portfolio too. I want to be ready to get a job by the end of May or at least sometime in June. Or I want to have my own business setup and running. I may go for a personal trainer certification too sometime next year.

I have to say that I am so over pretty much everything today. I just want to hide and cry. I shouldn’t have to feel like this all the time. It really isn’t fair, ya know? Why do people always seem to take advantage of me and treat me like dirt? I am so tired of it… I get so angry sometimes about the way that people act toward me. I am totally done with all of this crap. I am taking my power back.

I have decided to make some changes in my life. I am, essentially, taking control. I try really hard to be a good person and to do what is expected of me but today I realized that I am just not happy. I am miserable to put it bluntly. It is definitely not something that is easy to admit. So, I am going to do something about it. I am not going to go into a ton of detail here, but it is big and it is pretty cool. I have a bunch of new ventures that I am working on. It is actually a little exciting. Stay tuned!

So, I have decided to slightly re-purpose this blog. I am working on many new things and one of them is screenwriting. I know what you are going to say, “oh, goodness. What are you thinking,” but I have always thought that I would be really good at it. I love tv and movies. As some people may know, I have been working freelance writing jobs for a few years now, but what you may not know, is that I have been writing plays and short stories since I was a kid. I used to write stories for and about my friends in school, and my friends really seemed to enjoy them. 

This blog is still going to be a place for my rantings, but I also plan to write about the trials and tribulations of becoming a screenwriter. Will I be able to write anything that someone will actually buy? We will see. I just want this to be a place that I can write about what I have learned and maybe some other screenwriters will want to jump in and provide their advice and expertise too. 

Thanks…

I know I have written about this before but I was reading some comments on a website today that just irritated me. They basically said that horrible writers get published all the time and listed a few authors such as Dan Brown and JK Rowling as a few examples. This really bothered me because I really dislike it when people rag on the art of others. They basically are saying that just because they don’t like something that it is in some way wrong or less than their art. That is just bull. I really am sick of all the people that think they are better than other people. Where do these jerks get off. Everyone likes different things and just because it is not your taste that is no reason to say bad things about their work. Those people put a lot of time and effort into their work. I think this person was extremely jealous and wishes that they could have 1/100th of the success that those authors have had. I raise my glass to the jerks of the world because they give me more and more motivation to succeed in the things that I do. Rude people suck!

I am trying to get some letters if recommendation from people that I have worked with but I can’t get a hold of anyone. Why does it have to be so difficult? I just want to get a job so that I can move out and then get an even better job in a couple of years. I am contacting everyone that I can but this is ridiculous.

I need to get my own place soon. I love my Mom and I would like to save my money, but I can’t take it here anymore. She is mad at me right now and not talking to me because I don’t want to go to Walmart. It’s 100 degrees outside and super busy in town. I would rather stay inside in the air conditioning. I have a crazy bad sunburn on my arm just from driving in the car and I would rather not go out in the heat right now. It gets a little ridiculous when I am not allowed to do what I want. I am an adult but I have to explain my every move to my Mom. I just want to be able to do what I want to do sometimes.

I just read a tweet by someone that is a celebrity and a republican.  He said that we should wait for universal healthcare until we all can pay our equal share. I feel like I have to write about this. The fact that everyone cannot pay an equal share is exactly the reason why we need universal healthcare. The bills that insurance companies send to you for premiums is ridiculous and not everyone can afford it. That is why so many don’t have it. His tweet makes no logical sense.

I am not a democrat or a republican, and maybe this bill does have some issues, but I would rather have a bill that is helpful to those who need it right now. There are so many poor and elderly in this country that need help but many in government have blinders on. I love the way that republicans are so religious and preachy until you start talking about programs that help the poor and then they totally forgot the word of the lord and start the name-calling. The name-calling started within minutes of the supreme court’s decision Thursday.

I know that not everyone likes the affordable healthcare act but let us remember that this originally was based on an affordable healthcare package proposed by Mitt Romney while Governor of Massachusetts. Exactly the parts of “Obamacare” that republicans are fighting about are things that Romney proposed and thought were constitutional then. Now Romney doesn’t want those things? Confusing…

I went through a lot to get back in to Kirtland and sign up for classes, but I have yet to get any classes to transfer. Not sure if I should spend the extra money and send my transcripts to MMCC in hopes that my classes will transfer there. I wish I knew what was going on. They never tell you what is going on. They make it so confusing and complicated. I am even considering NMC. Why is it so hard to go back and get an associates degree after you have a Master’s degree. It is kind of ridiculous.

Doing good I guess. I have been working really hard to get where I want to go in my life. I am thinking that I need to get an associates in art or graphic design in order to make myself more employable. My plan is to go to Kirtland to get a certificate in graphic design and then possibly to mid michigan or northwestern michigan college for an associates degree. Then I will go from there. Do I really need a bachelors degree in graphic design? I am not sure.